So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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