Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
