Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
