Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
