I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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