I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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