I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
