im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
