alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
