he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
