Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize