im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
