I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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