i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
