me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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