remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
