i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
