Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
