Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We got so high we made milksteak
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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