I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
