So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
