So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize