I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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