Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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