i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
