All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
