He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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