Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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