Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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