member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
