her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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