her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize