she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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