totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize