I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
