I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
