I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
