Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
