I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize