Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
