my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
