new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize