Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
