I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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