things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
