Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
