just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
