You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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