So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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