last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
