Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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