i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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