I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
