i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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