New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
