so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize