Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
