you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
