All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
