But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
