I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
