I think I just saw someone hide a body.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
