You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize