I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
