I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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