reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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