We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Panties = found
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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