broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My life is pants optional.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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