you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
