remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
