i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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