are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
