Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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