Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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