they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
