Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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