I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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