yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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