his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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