Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
