I understand Curling. That high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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