Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
