so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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