Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
