This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
