Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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