so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
