I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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