thus making me awesome and them whores
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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