I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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