Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize