quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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