sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
