No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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