Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
