jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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