everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize