I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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