Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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