so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
