if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
