"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
