She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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