sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
