i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
