good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
