i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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