my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
